9.17.2012

Motivational mantra...


I'm having a difficult time, friends. As I'm sure you've already surmised, PRH's grandmother passed away last week. It happened very quickly and has left us all feeling quite shaken. This month had already proven to be overwhelming...a few uncomfortable extended-family issues, EZ E started kindergarten, Kicky started preschool, I went back to work and am launching my book next week (and working on freelance projects), and we're still in the middle of a major property renovation. Add the death of a much-loved relative and WHOA! Insomnia, intermittent sobbing, and stress-eating have become the norm this past week. EZ E had an allergic reaction to something yesterday- he was absolutely covered in hives- and I almost lost my freaking mind!

How do you get yourself back on track after such a devastating loss? Honestly, it feels like I've forgotten how. Maybe a time machine? Maybe a tiny apartment without a lawn? OK...not really. I know that I just need to work harder and longer and put one foot in front of the other. On a particularly bumpy day of class, I tacked this 'barn roof' sign up above my desk at school. 'Barn roof' is my mantra, it acts as a reminder to keep motivated and to work hard for the things we want/need. I know that things will smooth out and I'm really looking forward to that. BARN ROOF!

24 comments:

e.horn said...

I don't know if working harder and longer will really make you feel better, although, I understand wanting to push through and numb the enormous pain of loosing a loved one. I hope you will be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to grieve. It's okay to not have it all together, kids entering school & going back to work is a huge transition in itself, even without all the other stuff you are going through.

Happy Thoughts said...

You need some time for yourself. Not working harder... But what do I know, I feel so little... you are a strong woman just by admitting all this. Maybe it's time to rather let go on 'to do things' and your trust in life will guide you.

Very sorry to hear about it all, as sad as it sounds, she is still with you - all the things that you learnt from her and how she influenced everyone, and your lovely kids have her genes too. Life is amazing and sad at the same time.

We really love you Abbey xoxo

All the best,
J.

Veronique said...

I'm very sorry for your lost and all the stress you are under.

I know this is the answer that nobody wants to hear but the only way trought those things is time. A lot of people who haven't gone trought the heartwrenching lost of someone dear to them are very judgemental and brutal about it, saying to just move on and keep going.

What usually is needed is to Slow Down. Let it hit you. Rest on the support of your familly and friends. Be their for them too. You'll know when your a tiny tinsy bit better when you actually aren't looking for stuff to pull you together. I'm not saying to lay down and cry for ever (doing it for a while is more then OK ;) ), but to process and accept the events.

Also... Sometimes just having an intimate day with your familly and doing something to shake things up together (pijama day or playing etc), sometimes that really help.

Hang in there, and thank you for sharing! It will get better.

V

chiara said...

I'm so sorry to hear that, it's so very sad, my heart goes out to you and your family. only time will heal everything, so yes, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, but remember (in the words of Marlo Thomas + Friends) "it's alright to cry, if crying makes you feel better."

Anonymous said...

I would agree with all of the lovely advice here - and would like to add one thing: grief is totally non-linear. Some days, you'll feel pretty good and together. Other days will be totally "growly" (as my preschooler says) and the surf will be high. Really, it's kind of like having a newborn in your life in terms of endurance and the unexpected. Do try to eat well, reduce your expectations (but not standards, ha, ha) for the day, live in the moment - all that good stuff. We're here for ya! -pippa, just north of the border in Ontario xo

Andria Crowjoy said...

Please accept all the comfort I can push your way. I am so sorry for your loss.

Would echo the wisdom already here... be gentle with yourself, yeah?

jen said...

Abbey, I am so sorry for your loss.

It seems like this kind of thing always happens when we are our busiest and already overwhelmed. It is good to try and keep one foot in front of the other in order to not get even more overwhelmed when things pile up, but you also need time to relax and grieve. Give yourself some space and time each day to see just how much you have accomplished and how proud she would be. You are amazing and an inspiration, and I know a lot of people think that, but you can't let that put pressure on you. We all realize you are human too!

We love you and are thinking of you!

Angeline said...

Best wishes to you - you are in our thoughts!

jodi said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. And it sounds like things have been pretty busy and stressful for you all around. My remedy for these type of moments in life varies depending on what is needed...sometimes working harder and pushing through works, sometimes taking time off to huddle together with my family and just be is what I need. Whatever you need, I hope you find it and are able to get back on track. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

kristin said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Abbey. Seems like you've just got so much happening at once, I hope you're able to get your feet back under you soon. No advice; just seems like this stuff comes in waves, eh? Take care. Heck, maybe getting the barn roof on is just the thing you need...?

The Belvedere- Alyssa said...

So sorry for your loss, it is devastating to say the least to get back on track. My mantra is fake it till you make it. Make sure and give your self enough time to actually morn and reflect, don't expect yourself to pop back without time. Then start faking it, if you fake 'normal' enough then you'll eventually start to feel normal again.

Don't beat yourself up- its only been a very small amount of time.
Sending some love to your family!

Kelly Kilmer said...

I lost my Dad this summer. It was an unexpected death and a shock to the system. I've found that (for me) assigning myself one thing to accomplish every day has helped me to get work done. I try to be gentle with myself. At times, though, it is very hard.
Sending big hugs, strength and
Barn roof!

How2home said...

Abbey, I am so sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family!

Anonymous said...

Sending positive energy your way. No doubts that you will come through this time stronger and wiser. Let time flow and remember to take a breath when you need one.

Rachael, Pistachio Press said...

Hey Abb, I am so sorry for all of you with this loss of such a wonderful person. I've only had a little loss like this, but I find crying on the bathroom floor and talking to friends and loved ones helps more than anything. Taking time to be with that feeling, to digest it, and to be inspired by the person she was. And it does seem that time helps lessen the grief. I'm happy to come down with snacks and movies and tissues. Love you. xoxo.

CassandraJ said...

"For each thorn, there's a rosebud... for each twilight a dawn... for each trial the strength to carry on, For each stormcloud a rainbow... for each shadow the sun... for each parting sweet memories when sorrow is done."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Paulette said...

Sometimes it's more than okay to skip the "work harder and longer" and just try your best with "put one foot in front of the other." Sending hugs...

Elise said...

I, too, am so sorry for the loss and the stress and the overwhelming feelings of life around your right now. Here is my advice: find a phrase/wood/barn roof slogan to repeat...over and over. every.single.time. when you find your thoughts shifting or drifting to a sad, stressful, worrisome thought. I have been feeling so utterly and totlly stuck in Florida. Stuck in the heat and stickiness of a season-less climate. Craving and dreaming and planning for a life living up north. Since this won't be able to become our reality for a while, I have had to find a way to be ok in the midst of this. And it has been hard. I am almost to the point of hating it here. Just the word "hate" surprises me as I don't often use it. So, yesterday I came up with this phrase so I can not suffer in the intermin of the stress and uncomfortable-ness. "I am where I am meant to be right now." Period. Even in the not so pleasant or fun emotions. This is where I should be. And it is temporary. Just for right now. Life will one day be less difficult, more joyful, more inspiring, less financially trying, etc. Hugs your way.

Erin said...

I'm a middle school teacher, and a week before we were due back at school this year, one of my students was in a longboarding accident and passed away. I was completely shaken by the whole thing. I wasn't sleeping either, and was having a tough time concentrating - a bad combo at the beginning of the school year! You know what helped? Going to the memorial service, and talking about it with my colleagues and students. Actually, focusing on my students helped a lot - kids deal with loss and grief in a completely different way than adults do.

A couple weeks later, I'm feeling okay now. So just giving it time also helps.

leFiligree said...

having had a couple tough years behind me, i can say i dont have a good way to get out of sudden shock...i do allow myself to retreat, curl up into a ball, be lazy, muck around until i'm ready to move on...extremely hard physical labor helps, too, if i can get myself to do it. time, of course, it the ultimate relief. take care!

emmel-prutsemieke said...

I am sorry for your loss.

CLK said...

Losing a loved one can be so hard. I lost my grandpa in 3 years ago this month and it really doesn't stop being extremely sad that he's gone. All I can say is that she is probably more comfortable wherever she is and that she's excited to see you again in the future. Take joy in the reminders of her and try your best to make those memories positive, not something that makes you sad.

Aesthetic Outburst... said...

I can't begin to thank you all enough. She was such an incredible person and I'm struggling with the idea that we won't have another conversation (or laugh). Working harder is simply my own way of coping and does help numb the sadness a bit. Thank you for being so supportive and thoughtful.
xo,
Abbey

Anna said...

thoughts and prayers!!

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